New Developments

Well, I've been miserable. I'm pretty sure that hasn't been too hard to figure out, but I'm finally willing to sit down and talk about why.

First of all, we've been pretty much broke. Most of the time it doesn't bother me all that much, but this time I've been annoyed. Not because we're destitute or anything, just because I'm itching for some shopping or something. lol. I'm sick to death of my boring house with my empty walls and same old crap. I'm ready for some pretty serious money-spending. That's not going to happen, though, and I think I've accepted it. So I'm good now. :)

I've been seeing a new therapist. My last therapist told me we couldn't discuss my marriage because she wasn't a marriage counselor. So I said "nice to have met you" and went on my way. No use wasting my time with someone who can't see that my marriage is 99.8% of my life and affects everything else about me. Anyway, I finally found someone I really like. She seems to have a personality a lot like mine, so it's working out nicely. (Hopefully she's not as crazy as me, though.. that wouldn't really get me anywhere.) Oops. She says I'm not supposed to call myself crazy anymore. [Sorry 'bout that.] She gave me a copy of my "treatment plan" yesterday. It stated that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and her treatment plan is going to revolve around "reducing the instances and intensity" of my anxiety. Sounds good to me! I think she's got me pinned. I have had a LOT of diagnosis in my life, including moderate to severe depression, bipolar, Asperger's, etc. but I've been convinced they've all been ignoring the main problem - the anxiety. I went to the girly doctor the other day, and I was such a freak-out in her office about getting my yearly exam, she prescribed me Xanax. In her words, it was "for the next visit, and all the time in between when I'm feeling anxious about coming to my next exam." I finally feel like doctors are paying attention, and that's a good feeling after a LONG history of getting no right answers out of them, running around and around, never getting anywhere.

The biggest thing lately that's been making me miserable is my stupid aching body. There is no reason for me to have the body of a 90-yr-old woman, but that's what I've got. My body has been quickly deteriorating since I had Josh 5 years ago, and it doesn't appear to be getting any less awful. Friday morning I was making lunch and collapsed with a blinding pain from my left thigh, up through my back, and into my neck. I couldn't move without writhing in pain for about 3 days, and at this point I'm moving around a little more but still cringing with every movement. Steve jokes that he's just waiting for the day I break a hip, and I don't think he's far off. It gets really frustrating being 23 years old and feeling like I'm about to reach my 80's. Such is the life of a Miller, though, I suppose. Or so I've been told.

Well, that's what's new with me. Misery and music. Now ya know!