Nesting... With No Nest

I'm 31 weeks along, and definitely nesting! I'm dying to get everything set up and have a cute little nursery and get ready for my baby.

The trouble is... I have no where to "nest." At this point absolutely everything is up in the air, and I would not be exaggerating to say I am losing my mind a little bit. The plan was to move in to my mom's house this month or next month, when my sister's family gets to move into their new house. She has her new house now, but when I say "new" I mean "new to her"... so it needs some work! She won't be moving in quickly, so I won't have a place at my mom's for a while... and there's really no way of knowing how long that's going to be. So really I have no idea where I'll be setting up "nest".

Lots of people have been asking me about a name for the baby. Steve and I still have no idea. We've got a couple we like, but nothing I LOVE, so I'm waiting for something to jump out at me. With both my boys I fell madly in love with their names, and I'm waiting for that moment to happen to me with this one. Before Josh was born I was convinced I was going to name him Ethan... then I met him and decided it didn't fit, so I named him Joshua Lucas (found it in the credits of Sweet Home Alabama 3 days before I delivered) instead and have LOVED it ever since. Before Asher was born we were sure we were going to name him Ender (from Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card). Then when he was born I looked at him and decided it just didn't fit... so we named him Asher (from The Giver) Jacob, and I have LOVED it ever since. I'm building a very small list of names I love and Steve is vetoing most of them, but I think eventually we'll find one that fits his face... after we see him. I am always open to more suggestions, though! Never know when one is gonna be just right!

Today my friend Natalie took pictures of my kids at the park in the leaves. (THANKS NAT!) I can't wait to get the pictures so I can show them off! We were long overdue for some new pictures, and my kids are super cute right now. :)

As for everything else, I'm still alive somehow... no matter how many times I feel like I'm going to drown from the sadness... and I am in constant pain from the pregnancy. Every day I wake up in pain, spend the day in pain, and end the day in pain... and every night I ask myself "How could I possibly survive another day of this?" But the days keep coming and I keep surviving, so I guess that's all there is to it! One day at a time. Pain or no pain, I live and a new day comes. At some point they will have no choice but to take this baby out of me (more specifically December 18th), so at least there's an end in sight. If only he wasn't going to grow even bigger in the meantime!!!

So Much for That

Well, take a good look, folks. My last post about the bridal show will probably be one of my last big outings before this baby is born! I am only 26 weeks along, still 3 months away from my due date, but I've spent the last three days horizontal on my couch with almost constant contractions.

After hours and hours of timing them and worrying whether I should go to the hospital or not, I called my doctor this morning. He asked me to come in and get checked out. I haven't dilated at all, which is GOOD news this early, but I'm supposed to take it easy to keep the contractions from getting worse. (As if I'd have a choice! They basically cripple me anyway.) Basically anything more than lying flat on my side makes the contractions more intense, so I won't be doing much of anything!

Moral of the story, my baby is impatient, I'm in pain, and if you want to hang out with me you'll have to come to my house! :)

Looking for Birth Control?

*Warning* This post contains personal details about my hormone-induced body changes. If you are a male that is related to me or are otherwise upset by such personal information, you can go ahead and skip this one.

I am compiling an ever-growing list of facts about pregnancy that just might serve as a very useful tool for my childless friends! Or a nice reminder for those who are already parents. :)

• In case you ever wanted to pluck your eyebrows three times a day, pregnancy is your chance! Your regularly-annoying hair growth will be tripled - not to mention the fun, fun, fun other places you'll find that you never knew could grow hair.
  
• Skin changes. Your new skin will do all sorts of screwy things. MY new skin (for example) sunburns in about 2 seconds flat, which is about 10 minutes faster than normal, and breaks out in rashes if just about anything touches it (i.e. shaving cream, lotion, facial cleanser, etc.)
  
• Rashes that cover your entire body, lasting for months and only disappearing after delivery. Itchless rash? You wish. You'll be begging for chicken pox.
• Acne worse than your middle school years. Oh, you were one of those freaks with perfect skin in middle school? Picture this guy:

• Exhaustion comparable to marathon running if you ever need to use a flight of stairs or walking more than one block. You'll have the lung capacity of a chain smoker. Ever felt like someone was standing on your chest, crushing your lungs? Yeah, it's like that. All the time.
  
• You will be unable to reach your knees, let alone shave your legs or put your own socks on! And FORGET picking things up that you drop. Once they're down, they're down for good.
  
• Appetite - unsatisfiable.
• Thirst - unquenchable.
• Stomach space of a gastric bypass patient. You'll have the pleasure of having to eat every 15 minutes because you can't fit more than 5 bites of food in your stomach at a time. That's due to your stomach being squished like a whoopie cushion by your baby.
• Dizziness every time you stand up from a sitting position or when you first wake up in the morning. Oh, and some of the lucky ones even pass out occassionally.
• Flatulence. Honeymoon period: OVER.
• Incontinence - better hope no one makes you laugh or sneeze!
• Burps and belches like a teenage boy. Seriously. I don't care HOW proper you are, you are destined for this if you find a plus sign on the little stick!
• Dignity? Gone. Pants that go up to your boobs, waddling like a duck just to get from point A to point B, your husband laughing every time you bend over to get something off the floor and end up grunting like a pirate while you try to get back up. (You, not the husband.)
• Fat - EVERYWHERE! Double chin? Try triple chin. Back fat. Fat rolls in places you never knew fat rolls could exist.
• That tiny baby inside you doesn't feel so tiny. Besides feeling like you're carrying around a bowling ball in front of you with nothing to support your stomach but your weak stomach muscles, he is a STRONG kick-boxer! Kicking every organ you have in there (lungs are the most fun! Knocks the wind right outta ya!) and even getting a little foot stuck up in your ribs a few times.
  
• And for the REALLY lucky ones... puking at the sight (or smell) of just about ANYTHING. For me it was getting anywhere near my kitchen at all. Well, that and just about everything else that had a smell...

This is just a partial list. If you want some of the even MORE fun facts (too personal even for me to admit), you're always welcome to send me a text and ask me what you're getting yourself into. Because honey... you're in for a wild ride. And I would LOVE to be the first to admit to you that it's going to be a miserable one.

Second Ultrasound

I am HAPPY to announce that I had my second ultrasound this morning, and my baby appears to be healthy! All the body parts/organs are in there, appearing to be in their correct places, and what appears to be an extremely cute face, fingers, and toes! I might be biased, but I'm pretty sure he's adorable. :) We even got a good, close look at the lips, so we were able to tell there was no cleft lip. The ultrasound tech says the baby is measuring at 20 weeks 5 days, which (drum roll) is OVER HALF WAY! Is that not fantastic news or what? I'll post pictures as soon as I can locate a scanner! My doctor's office even gave us a CD of the whole thing to take home. (My other kids' ultrasounds are on VHS and we had to bring our own...)








I also found a home video from when we lived in Kansas (in our first house, in Abilene), when Asher was just a baby and Josh was only 3! It's so cute, I can't believe I'd totally forgotten already their tiny voices and the cute things they did. It totally inspired me to start using my video camera again! How sad I haven't even pulled it out and shot any video in 2 or 3 years! I'm going to start doing it a lot more, cause I am definitely going to want that when Asher is 6 and the baby is 3, etc! I've been slacking!

Currently I have no internet at home, so my blogging/facebooking/emailing/twittering has been few and far between lately. And since I don't have endless time here at my mom's house today, I'm going to briefly update everyone on what's going on with me!

• My Little Nudger (AKA baby) has graduated from butterfly flutter to soccer player. He is kicking me a lot harder now, and they can almost always be felt on the outside. I'm enjoying it for the moment... except in the middle of the night when I would much rather be sleeping thankyouverymuch.
• My stomach is freakin huge. I'm serious. I WANT this picture destroyed, but since Andrea has it posted up on facebook for everyone to see anyway, I'm at least going to use it as an example. I'm a freakin cow.
  
• 
• I'm 18 weeks!!! That means in just two short weeks I will be HALF WAY!!!! :) That's some pretty fantastic news if you ask me.
  
• My stomach is already totally in the way of shaving my legs and putting on socks, and my back is already starting to hurt me. This will be a long pregnancy if I'm already in pain!
  
• I am working on an attitude adjustment that I think is much-needed (and may be extremely difficult to accomplish). I'm realizing how selfish I've been with my time lately and what a rotten attitude I've had toward my kids (and, let's face it, the world), and it has suddenly occured to me what little time I have with my kids while they still want to be around me. If you're thinking DUH, that's fine, but keep it to yourself. :) I'll blog more about this later cause I have a lot to say about it.
  

I guess that's it! Next dr appointment is August 4th. Not much else going on with me!

My New Investment (A.K.A. Maternity Jeans)

After 3 1/2 months of wearing bigger and bigger jeans, using an elastic to hold them together (so I had a little more space than just the button gave me), I finally got completely fed up with the saggy legs/butt and pain from it pushing on my stomach. I have looked all over for some jeans that I could afford that I could ALSO feel good about leaving the house in, and finally ended up giving in at Motherhood Maternity. It just about killed me to hand over my debit card. $50 for a pair of jeans I will only wear for 2 or 3 months is robbery.

At the register I'm thinking, "Ok, I'll just hurry and do it; don't think too much - it will make the next couple of months bearable."

Instead, I get the longest, steadiest stream of sales pitches and pushy advertising I have ever been affronted with. I stood at the register for 15 minutes, and after 4 other women came up in line behind me and I had been asked to fill out a form with my SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER on it for a totally unnecessary credit check, I told her she needed to just hurry up and check me out. Two girls who were behind me in line left when they saw what I was accosted with! Anyway, I was annoyed.

BUT! These pants are amazing. The top (cream part) is so thin the band doesn't show through your shirt, and there are POCKETS! :) I love them. If only I could wear them more than a couple of months. I'll be saving for a pair of the next size up cause I love them so much!

Pregnancy Psychosis

Is there such a thing? I'm not entirely sure.

But if there is, I've got it.

I've lost my mind. Completely psychotic. Your average pregnancy hormones? Triple them. Quadruple them. And add a few more.

I couldn't describe to you the ups and downs I've got going on even if I wanted to, and I don't want to because you'd have me committed. I'll just say this - The lows are lower than I've felt them since I was 17, and the ups are ... well, I guess they're not really ups so much as they are psychotic episodes.

Yep, no way to describe it. I'm pretty sure there are a few people who can relate to what I'm saying. (A few of those are in my family, for sure.)

I've had doctor after doctor tell me that they can't decide if I'm bi-polar or just depressed/ADD. They've never really made up their minds, so my life has been a constant battle in my own head. Although - I'm usually medicated pretty well.

Pregnancy makes that impossible.

I guess I have no real point in writing this blog, except to:

1. Tell you I'm crazy ahead of time, in case you happen to catch me on a low.
2. Record my lows so that after the baby is born and things get a little better (or worse), I'll remember.
   
3. Show myself that medication is more than necessary, in case I ever get crazy enough to think they aren't worth the money/trouble.
   

Tomorrow is Girls' Night 2 at my house. Hopefully I will be on an "up" tomorrow! ;)