Can you blog 3 times in one day? Is that allowed?

I just found out a good friend of mine has decided to file for divorce. I wish I could say she's the only one of my friends going through this... or that I am entirely clueless about what she's going through. I can't say that. I can't say that I approve or disapprove of her decision, either. I don't believe this is something anyone else can judge.

I can, however, reflect a little. This is going to be one of my completely random ranting/raving situations, where I don't really have an end point in mind. Don't have high expectations for the "moral of this story"... I'm just thinking with my fingers again.

I know how my friend feels. I have not had myself a happy little time being married. You'll never hear me say, "oh, marriage is bliss!" or any other kind of nonsense like that. I'll tell you marriage is work... but you already know that. I'll tell you marriage is heartbreaking... maybe you already know that. The fact is, marriage isn't a whole ton different from seriously dating someone. It's blissful one moment, heart-wrenching the next, and often feels like someone's idea of a great big joke to play on humanity. The only big change is that you suddenly feel STUCK. Maybe not right away... maybe not both of you at the same time (very rarely will both of you feel anything at the same time)... but at some point, you'll find yourself feeling like "what the hell did I get myself into"?

Have I turned into a cynic? You could say that. I do tend to have a negative attitude these days toward relationships in general. I'm doing my best, though, to try not to turn into that person... and my marriage kind of depends on it. I can't imagine that anyone could make a marriage work with a cynical attitude toward relationships.

I remember wondering as a teenager, does anyone really make it "work"? What does that mean?? Does making it "work" mean making it last? Does making it work mean surviving through something you're not happy with? "Work," after all, has a pretty negative connotation. Does everyone have to "work" to make their marriage "work", or just some people? I knew my parents were generally not at peace with each other or their situation. I didn't know exactly what they were going through or feeling, but I did know that they weren't blissfully happy in their marriage. In fact, I always expected them to divorce at some point, it was just unclear when that might happen. I know some people find that an offensive thing to say, and I'm sorry if anyone takes offense, but it's the truth. As a teenager, I started to wonder... is anyone really happy?

I knew I wasn't. I couldn't imagine being able to make someone else happy, let alone myself. I also couldn't imagine who could be entirely joyful living in the same house with a man. Call me a *****, but I have to say, I've never felt like that would be a very enjoyable experience. I lived with a few men growing up! lol! (Nah, j/k, they weren't bad. I actually ended up with really great brothers and brothers-in-law; I got very lucky.)

When choosing who I'd date, I remember my mom trying to gracefully suggest that I date "a good Mormon boy." (This of course is in quotes not because she said it that way, just because that's a pretty stereotypical phrase used in a society like mine.) I remember being entirely sure of myself when I replied, "Mother, Mormon boys are boring." That was the end of the conversation for me. What more was there to say? If I was bored with them, why would I date them? Why would I want to marry them? I certainly wasn't going to settle for boring.

I will tell you what, brothers and sisters (haha - there's a little church reference for you), "Mormon boys" may be boring, but at least we were all brought up being told the same things. It's certainly adventurous being married to someone who came with an entirely different (and sometimes shocking) set of circumstances, background, standards, ethics... whatever you want to call it. My husband and I are as different as night and day. This has nothing to do with being any specific religion as opposed to another religion... this is just an example of how people can be different, and why the process of dating is so important... not just an exercise in fun.

I have always wondered... is different bad? If opposites attract, isn't that what we should be going for?

JUST BECAUSE THEY ATTRACT DOESN'T MEAN THEY SHOULD END UP TOGETHER. This is not something I understood as a teenager.

I admit, today I am only twenty-three, going on twenty-four. I'm no expert. I am, however, a woman who has been married to a man for the longest three years in history. I am a woman who has been a mother for five years, and a woman who has been known for most of her life as "over-dramatic." You can assume (and you'd be right) that I have had my share of experience for the time I've been around. That last quality, the "over-dramatic" part, has brought me a few extra frustrations that I imagine those under-dramatic, "normal" people don't run across. Who knows, though, they say even Paris Hilton has her problems. (For the record, I'm not a Paris fan.)

I will also be the first to say that I'm not the poster child for the way things should be. I'm not the poster child for anything. Nothing about me has ever been "average," "normal," "mainstream," etc. I am my own person, and have always enjoyed that about myself. I guess you could say that I was never destined to do things the "right" way. Right is a label I wasn't willing to attach to myself, simply because it was something expected of me. (I am NOT a fan of expectations put on me from anyone, but especially not from society itself.)

All this nonsense has just been to say... I hope the best for her. I wish the best upon her, and I pray for her every day. Knowing that the decisions she's faced are not easy ones, knowing that marriage is difficult and cannot be made from just any two humans, my heart aches for my friend.

I always wonder... is life too short to try so hard? Or is that what it's all about? I guess that's what we're all here to figure out... and hopefully, in the midst of all the confusion, we'll be able to sustain the relationships that mean so much to us until we can find the answer to this question.