Unreasonable Expectations

Ok, it's anniversary day, so I know I should only be writing about that.... but I have more to say!

It's about time we talk about housewives. SaHM's. Whatever you want to call them, I think almost every one of us has either been one or knows one well, and it's time we face some facts!

There is a very thick stigma placed on stay-at-home moms (wives). You always hear about how they just sit around in their pajamas and never get dressed, "let themselves go," etc. I just wanted to point out that the only OTHER option would be to shower and get ready 2 or 3 times per day! Did it ever occur to these people who are talking about this that these women who stay home with children are CLEANING NASTY, REVOLTING THINGS ALL DAY???

Let's face it, women. We don't look like this!

In fact, the only way we could look like that is if things happened like this:


Which they of course do not. (In some rare cases I'm sure this happens, but I don't know of any.)

But everything tells us we're supposed to clean the house in perfect little outfits with perfect hair and makeup and heels. Even modern advertisements only show women looking their best while they clean, and always with a ridiculous smile on their faces. In fact, when I was searching for a more accurate picture of how people really look, I ended up only finding this clip art. Not one person was willing to post a picture of themselves cleaning in their actual clothes (pajamas, no doubt), with hair thrown back and no makeup on, elbows in grime. This is because we've been shown that we are supposed to look incredible WHILE we clean the filth off everyone's everything! For this cause, I took a picture of myself in my pajamas and tennis shoes today, glasses on, hair up, washing mounds of dishes and doing mounds of laundry.

This, my friends, is the reality, and it is NOT because we are just lazy bums! This is reality because no one in their right mind would battle filth, grime, soap scum, and poo in their nice clothes! Because no one in their right mind would wake up, shower, get all pretty, then delve into the messes their family left for them to tackle. Lazy is quite the opposite of what's going on here. An observant person would call it sacrifice, not laziness.

Me - in all my "housewife" glory.

I'm going to post an article here that my sister has hanging on her bulletin board. I laughed and almost cried a little when I read it... It is absolutely perfect. You can find the original article HERE.

TELL ME ABOUT IT

By Carolyn Hax

Wednesday, May 23, 2007; Page C10

Carolyn:

Best friend has a child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.