I finished reading the Twilight books again the other day, and spent a few days totally immersed in another TV show on DVD... after the season was over, I realized just exactly what's going on here.
I have been obsessed with one thing after another, completely letting myself get lost in them, for a while now (All 10 seasons of friends, Twilight series, Season 1 of Gossip Girl)... It occurs to me that I've been looking for a distraction big enough and loud enough to keep me from dealing with my life.
Now that my latest distraction is over, I am forced to face my real life and figure out what to do with it. When I was medicated (ADD meds), I functioned quite well, with a routine and everything. Things ran pretty smoothly, I was able to get the housework done and keep the kids learning and make lunches for my husband and see my family and friends and shower and get ready every day... Etc, etc! Ever since I ran out of meds (a couple months before I got pregnant), all those things have gone out the window. I now struggle just to plan a couple of meals each day to feed my children. My laundry is always piled halfway to the ceiling, my poor husband has eaten hot pockets for lunch at work for 2 months, my kitchen is always a mess, I rarely get completely ready - once a month at most - with full hair and makeup on. Non-medicated Aubrey has always been pretty useless, but add pregnancy to that........ let's just say it's not pretty. The combination of no medication (ADD running rampant) and the morning sickness has turned my life upside-down.
My kids are completely out of control. They run around doing whatever they want, screaming and throwing and doing all the things my kids never used to do. I pay attention, but I hardly have the energy (or the equilibrium) to get up and actually stop them. They are desperate for a routine and a challenge, and I am desperate for some peace and quiet.
Moral of the story: I need change. Once upon a time, with the help of my Concerta Rx, I had full drawn-out routines and house rules. We had homework time every day where both kids learned a lot and felt good about themselves. They took perfect naps because our routine made them tired enough to sleep. I loved them for being angels, because they behaved so well when they were structured. They were happier! Sweeter. Content.
So, today I sit down with a notebook and a pen and try to remember what it felt like to be organized. Medication or no medication, I am committed to making it work, even if it kills me. This house and these family members are out of control, and I know I have it in me somewhere to turn it around again.
Wish me luck! I'll need it.
7 comments:
Good luck! You can do it! :)
Can you get more meds? Can you take them when you are pregnant? Some people just NEED them, my daughter is one for sure!
You can certainly do it if you put your mind to it! BUT, if there's a way to get the meds, they will make it SO MUCH EASIER. Life without meds (when you really need them) is so much harder than it has to be. How much are they? Have you contacted the drug manufacturer? Sometimes they will give you free meds for a few months if you qualify (income-based). It would be a lot of work, but well worth it.
You can do it! Good luck and I hope things start getting better for you! You're my favorite, muah!
Wow you sound like a supermom!! I hope I am as organized as you are! I'm sure that its hard with you being pregnant but I know you can do it! i'll have to get your secret routine for content happy kids! With me going to be a stay at home mom I need to set up a routine while Sawyer is still young! Advice is always welcome!!
I can totally understand where you're coming from.. I too seem to obsess over things instead of just dealing with life. I'm sorry Aubrey, it sounds like you definitely need a vacation! Hopefully as your pregnancy progresses, things will start to get better.
To answer a couple of questions:
I don't have insurance, so my meds cost $130 a bottle (30-day supply) plus a $50-60 doctor visit to get the prescription. Since they are ADD meds, they require a written prescription every single month from a doctor so no one can abuse them.
HOWEVER - the insurance and cost don't matter, since they aren't safe to take while I'm pregnant. I'm hoping and praying that's not the case with breastfeeding though... sometimes a drug is bad for pregnancy but ok for breastfeeding (and sometimes vice versa)... I hope this is one I can use after the baby is born!! I can hardly function without it.
Thanks for everyone's support! I'm working on the new plan and will blog about it when I figure it all out exactly. I still owe you some pictures of my new house, so I'll work on the house so I can take some pictures! :)
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