Who Says You Can't Go Home Again?

I moved back into my mom's house yesterday. (Well, to be fair, my brothers moved me in to my mom's house yesterday. Thanks guys!) I can't describe the experience... it was heartbreaking... and then it was liberating... and then it was heartbreaking again.

While I was packing I kept finding things that made me cry... I cried for hours, over and over... It was awful. Steve told me no when I asked him to participate in the packing and moving, so I was packing alone (until yesterday when my sisters and mom came to my rescue and helped me finish packing/moving). I used to think that having a baby (Asher) while Steve was in basic training was the hardest thing I was ever going to have to do. I was wrong. Packing up all of our memories, knowing I would never again get them out and put them up on our walls, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Then... after it was all moved out and I said my final goodbyes to my house... it felt better. This morning I woke up and I felt like I could breathe again. After 5 months of suffocating... I can breathe. It won't always feel this good, but for now I am liberated. I no longer feel that crushing feeling that maybe he'll come back. I know he's not coming back, and I know my new life has begun. I just need to figure out what to do with it.

Fun House
Pink

(See the music video here.)

I dance around this empty house
Tear us down, throw you out
Screaming down the halls
Spinning all around and now we fall

Pictures framing up the past
Your taunting smirk behind the glass
This museum full of ash
Once a tickle, now a rash

This used to be a Funhouse
But now it's full of evil clowns
It's time to start the countdown
I'm gonna burn it down, down, down
I'm gonna burn it down

9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, fun

Echoes knocking on locked doors
All the laughter from before
I'd rather live out on the street
Than in this haunted memory

I've called the movers, called the maids
We'll try to exorcise this place
Drag my mattress to the yard
Crumble, tumble house of cards

This used to be a Funhouse
But now it's full of evil clowns
It's time to start the countdown
I'm gonna burn it down, down, down

This used to be a Funhouse
But now it's full of evil clowns
It's time to start the countdown
I'm gonna burn it down, down, down
I'm gonna burn it down

9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, fun

I'm crawling through the doggy door
My key don't fit my life no more
I'll change the drapes, I'll break the plates
I'll find a new place, burn this sucker down

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, da, da, da, da

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
(9, 8)
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
(7, 6)
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
(5, 4, 3)
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
(2, 1)

This used to be a Funhouse
But now it's full of evil clowns
It's time to start the countdown
I'm gonna burn it down, down, down

This used to be a Funhouse
But now it's full of evil clowns
It's time to start the countdown
I'm gonna burn it down, down, down
I'm gonna burn it down