Dear Peanut Butter Cookies that my brother brought home,

Don't think I don't know you're here to torture me. Don't think I didn't see the way you were smirking at me as I ate my salad. I know you are out to get a free ride on my hips for the next two years. I know you just want to make my mouth water and my stomach growl and my brain short circuit.

Don't think I can't read your thoughts.


Eat me, Aubrey. 
Just one. 
One will only set you back a little. 
This time you'll be able to stop, I promise. 

Well you're not going to win this time, Cookies. I can see right through your grocery bag disguise. This time, I'm on top. I'm in charge here, and I say,

No! I will NOT eat just one! 
No, I will NOT be able to stop, and for the sake of my ever-growing thighs, I will resist you, enemy! 

Ha! Now who's smirking, PB?

(Jon, I'm sorry I ate all your cookies while you were at work today.)