Letting Go

Today I am letting my Josh walk home from school alone. I swore I wouldn't let him do that till he was 15 (ok, maybe 12), but he really wants to try it, and I am finding myself unable to say no. He gets so excited about being independent this year, and I am so proud of him for getting over his anxiety, which was a huge struggle last year.

When he started Kindergarten in Kansas (full-day), he bravely went into the school on the first day and loved every minute of it. Each day he would wake up excited to go to class, and couldn't wait to tell me all about it when we picked him up.

When we moved back to Utah and he started Kindergarten here part-way through the year (half-day), he was terrified. He refused to even go in to the school most days, and when he would go in, his teacher reported that he wouldn't go into the classroom, crying in the hall. By the end of the year he was going in, but still not participating much.

When he started first grade (at yet another school), he was still scared, and occasionally still struggled with fear and refusal to work. His teacher told me he would get underneath his desk and refuse to get out. Other days he just wouldn't take the tests, refusing to even pick up a pencil.

Joshua is such an agreeable child, it was a terrible shock to me when I heard things like this. It isn't his nature to be obstinate, so I knew there were some major emotional things going on inside my little boy. He's not the type to just refuse to do what's expected of him.

By the end of first grade, his teacher said he was doing much better, but he still wasn't quite up to speed with the other kids. There were still days when he would refuse to take his spelling test, and she said he was even being mean to other kids. He was even fighting with his best friend Bryson.

So far this year, Josh has been anxious to go to school. He comes home happy, and his teacher told me at back-to-school night that he's been brave and doing everything he's supposed to do. I couldn't be more proud of him! He's made a lot of progress, and he even has a couple of friends in his class. I hope he keeps it up! If you ask me, the problems at school directly relate to the divorce/separation (whatever you want to call it now) stuff that was going on with us. He really does need a stable environment in order to thrive.

This is why I'm letting go of my extreme fear of little kids walking alone and allowing my 7 1/2-year-old to walk himself home from school today. If he's feeling brave enough to do it, I should be able to be brave enough to let him try. He knows the way, and it's really only about a block away...

Maybe I'll just stand at the corner and watch him walk. That's allowed, right?