It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

I have been in bad shape lately. Most people don't need to be told that, it's pretty common knowledge, but for those who haven't heard from me... I assure you it's nothing personal. Life has just been too much for me these days. I have been meaning to blog about it for some time now... explain why I've dropped off the face of the planet. But I just can't find the words to describe what's going on with me (or even the strength to put the information out into the world).

I still don't think I have the guts to give away any details. Simplified, it looks like this:

My life is in pieces.

My marriage is struggling.

My brother's marriage has crumbled and his life has gone to pieces, which hurts me every minute of every day, and takes up most of my emotional energy. Not being able to see his kids tears him apart, and it tears me apart to watch it and to have to try to explain to my kids why their uncle came home but their cousins didn't get to come. "I hope Karla wants to be nice and let Lizzie and Madi come see us soon," Josh says. And my heart breaks again.

My birthday is Monday.
I'll be 25.
I hate to tell you, but 25 is not closer to being a teenager than to being 30.
I still feel like a teenager. But I'm not. I can't even fake it anymore. 25 is OFFICIAL adult territory.
In fact, it occurred to me yesterday that when I'm 31, my son will be 12. I will have a 12 year old son. Junior high school. I swear I was 12 about 3 1/2 minutes ago.

I am having a baby. In 3 months. I'm 24 weeks along.
This baby is coming, ready or not.
And I'm not.

If it weren't for my amazing friends and family, I wouldn't survive this, I'm sure of it. I am feeling so incredibly lucky that I have had such great times for my birthday already, because for the last three years I have spent my birthdays in Kansas, far away from family and friends... this year I'm lucky enough to be home and have people make a big deal out of my birthday this year, and for that I am so grateful.


Last night my girls took me out for my birthday. Jenn, Natalie and Andrea all came over, brought me roses:


Movies, Season 10 of Friends (the only season I didn't have!), and Eclipse in paperback!

We went to Gateway, asked a stranger to take this picture of us:

and ate dinner at the Olive Garden... my very favorite restaurant on the planet. :)
(*Note* In this picture I am wearing the super cute new shirt my sister Natalie bought me for my birthday, and the new jeans my mom bought me! I reallllly needed new clothes, so I'm excited about them!)

The whole outing was perfectly tailored to me, and it was really nice to get out of the house without the kids and be with my girls. I was in serious need of some comfort food + girl time therapy!


Today my sisters, mom and I got together for lunch at Texas Roadhouse for mine and Jenny's birthdays. Jenny's birthday was yesterday (happy birthday big sister!) and my birthday is Monday, so we usually celebrate together sometime during what we call Birthday Week.

Krista, me, Mom, Jenny, Natalie, and baby Avery (Natalie's youngest). Jenny gave me pretty earrings, and I had a lot of fun being out with just the girls (+ a really happy baby)!

So far my birthday celebrations have been really wonderful, and exactly what I've needed to cheer up a little. Thank you so much to my friends and family for making this weekend more than bearable! :)